French Revolutionary Humor
by Matrix-Twin1
Summary: A continuation of 'red or white'...what if Enjolras and Grantaire had written LM the musical?
1. Come with me

Enjolras

Grantaire it's turned so cold

Grantaire the Musain is closing

You've drunk the day away

And soon it will be night

Come with me, another day is dying

Don't you see Chowder's glare appearing

Soon unconsciousness will come without a warning

And I will take you to your bed and smack you in the morning

Grantaire

Oh Enjolras! The wine is running out

But Enjolras, I swear this on my life

Enjolras

Look Grantaire! I've smashed another bottle

Grantaire

Be at peace! Please desist from my wine

Enjolras

Your absinthe will live in my protection

Grantaire

Don't take it now

Enjolras

This absinthe will never ever be drunk

Grantaire

Good Monsieur, you are the God Apollo!

Enjolras

And none will ever drink this wine as long as I am living

Grantaire

Take my hand – the world goes ever blurry

Enjolras

And I will give you scorn

Grantaire

Give the bottle; I give me to your keeping

Enjolras

I've smashed it on the floor!

Grantaire

For Gods' sake, you do that so incessantly

And tell Chowder I love her and I'll see her when I wake!

(We did do confrontation, but we lost the counterpoint part, mysteriously...so, it will arrive soon!)


	2. Confrontation

Confrontation

Enjolras

Grantaire, at last, we see each other sober

Monsieur le Drunk, you'll drink a different thing

Grantaire

Before you say another word, Enjolras!

Before you tie me to the pole again…

Listen to me, there is something I must do.

This bottle has but one glass left

There is none but me who can intercede

In mercy's name, three seconds are all I need.

Then I shall quit, I pledge my word, then I shall quit!

Enjolras

You must think me mad!

I've watch you drink these past few hours

Drunks like you can never change

Winecask! Like you!

Grantaire 

Believe of me what you will

There is a wine that I've sworn to drink

You know nothing of my life

All I did was sit and drink

You know nothing of the world

You would sooner see me dead

But not before I see this bottle done!

I am warning you Enjy!

I'm a drunker man by far

There is wine in me yet,

My drink is not yet done!

I am warning you Enjy!

There is nothing I won't drink

If I have to drink this here

I'll do what must be done!

Enjolras 

Men like me can never change

Men like you can never change

No, Monsieur Drunk!

My duty's to the Republic! You have no Rights!

Get out of here Monsieur Drunk

Now the Musain's good and closed

I will have to pay your tab

Dare you speak of conviction

And the price you had to pay

Every man is born in sin

Every man must choose his way

You know nothing of "Enjy"

I was born to serve La France!

Yet I did play dominos too

I am from the gutter too! (Doo doo doooooooo)

Grantaire 

And this I swear to you tonight

Enjolras 

There is no place for you to drink

Grantaire 

Your glass will live within my care!

Enjolras 

Where ever you may conceal it!

Grantaire 

And I will raise it in a toast

Enjolras and Grantaire 

I swear to you, I will be there


	3. BarricadeCafe on a Cloud

(these are at the same time, but the computer is being stupid)

Enjolras

There is a barricade on a cloud

I like to go there when I think

Aren't any winecasks to dishonour me

Not on my barricade on a cloud

There is a room that's filled with Ami

There are a million boys and girls

Nobody scorns the revolution

Not on my barricade on a cloud

There's the Republic – red white and blue

Embraces France with a lullaby

She's nice to see and she's for the people

She says, "Enjolras, now will you fight for me?"

I know a place where no one drinks

I know a place with no absinthe

Drinking at all is not allowed

Not on my barricade on a cloud

Grantaire

There is a café on a cloud

I like to go there when I drink (Enjolras: have you picked out furniture yet?)

Aren't any glasses for me to break (just bottles)

Not in my café on a cloud

There is a room that's full of casks

There are a hundred boys and girls (wink)

Nobody shouts or talks too loud (ow! my head...)

Not in my café on a cloud

There is Enjolras all in white

Holds me and sings a lullaby

He's nice to see and he's soft to touch ;)  
He says, "Grantaire, I love you very much."

I know a place without hangovers

I know a place where no one scorns

Scorning at all is not allowed

Not in my café on a cloud

(the little comments except for this one, and the first one, obviously are them, not me)


	4. Red or White?

Red or White?

I thought of this while I was trying to answer that very question...and more than slightly drunk... But, written while sober! Sort of a "What if R had written red and black?"

I love all Les Amis, I'm only making fun of them because... well, not because I don't love them. Except Marius. Him, I make fun of 'cause he deserves it...

**Imitating 'Ferre**

I really have no life!

**Imitating Feuilly**

I have a little more than him!

**Imitating Cour**

Students, workers, everyone!

Let's get drunk and have fun.

Like the flowing of the tide,

Let's try Grantaire's side.

**Grantaire**

The time is near

So near they're shitting their pants!

And yet beware.

Still have to act like I'm so strange!

For the army they fight is a dangerous foe

With the men and the arms that they never can match

So they'll just sit here and be swatted like flies

But I plan on getting totally smashed.

They need a sign

To rally their brains

To drop their arms

They're all going to die!

Marius, you're late.

**Imitating Joly**

What's wrong today?

You look as if you've seen a ghost (like I soon will be, if you believe me...)

**Grantaire**

Some wine and say what's going on! (never get tired of saying that)

**BADLY imitating Marius for humerous purposes**

What? A ghost you say? A ghost maybe.

I wouldn't have the brains to see.

I'm too dumb to tell!

**Grantaire**

I am agog!

I am aghast!

Has Marius learned to speak at last?

I've never heard him say a word.

You talk of battles to be won,

And he sits here still and dumb

It's better than an o-per-a!

**Grantaire**

It is time for us all

To get drunk out of our minds

Do we fight for the right

To be first in line to die?

Have you thought to yourselve

That you're all going to die?

It's simply a game

For you rich young boys to play

But the colours of the world

Stay the same day by day

Red – The bottle over here!

White – The bottle over there!

Red – too expensive, thanks!

White – yes, the price is right!

**Imitating Marius**

Blah blah, la la,

Random girl who I stalk...

**Grantaire** (cutting him off)

Red...

**Imitating Marius**

Blah blah la la la blah!

**Grantaire**

White...

**Imitating Marius**

Blah...

**Grantaire**

Stop interrupting!

**Imitating everyone...somehow...**

Red...

**Grantaire**

Sometimes gives me a headache...

**Imitating all**

White

**Grantaire**

Goes well with everything!

**Imitating Enjy**

Marius, go sit with the children

I do not doubt you mean it well

But you're playing with the big boys now.

Who cares about your lonely soul?

Or any part of you at all?

Your little life doesn't count at all.

**Grantaire**

Red – The bottle over here!

White – The bottle over there!

Red – too expensive, thanks!

White – yes, the price is right!

**Imitating Enjy**

Well, Courfeyrac, are you drunk yet?

Feuilly, Combeferre, your time is running short.

Grantaire, pass me the bottle.

Do we have the wine we need?

**Grantaire**

Give me brandy on my breath

and I'll breathe them all to death! (or that.I get the best lines. It's quality that counts, not quantity. Just look at Marius!)

**Imitating Courfeyrac**

At St. Antoine they're passing out!

**Imitating Combferre**

In Notre Dame they're still going!

**Feuilly**

Twenty bottles good as new!

**Imitating Gavroche, Falsetto**

Listen!

**Imitating Joly**

You're too young to get drunk!

**Imitating Gavroche**

No I'm not! I've done it before!

**Imitating Jehan**

They have lots at Port St. Cloud!

**Imitating Gavroche**

Listen everybody!

**Lesgle**

Seven bottles in St. Martin!

**Gavroche**

I think Enjolras is drunk!

**Grantaire **

Enjolras is drunk.

Enjolras! His drunkenness is the hour of fate

The people's man.

His drunkenness is the sign we await!

On his hangover day they will laugh in his face

It's a bizarre occurrence that will reach every ear!

In the drink of Enjolras we will kindle the flame

They will see that the day of Grantaire is near!

The time is near!

Let us welcome it gladly with wine and cheer

Let us take to the streets with no doubt in our hearts

But a full bottle

They will come one and all

They will come when I call!


	5. A little fall of pain

(Um…ya…this was a joint 'effort' with Saavedra…and a looooot of sugar…and being attacked by little children ow, but here ya go…)

Grantaire (holding his lightly bleeding arm)

Don't you fret, Monsieur Enjolras, I'm in a lot of pain

A little fall of rain, can hardly hurt me more

You're here, that's all I need to know!

And you will push me away

And you will get me killed

Jehan (randomly appearing, dancing around frantically in the stereotypically 'gay' way…then leaving when he's done…)

And rain will make the flowers….GROW! (finger wigglies)

Enjolras (kneeling beside Grantaire, smirking)

I hope you die, Grantaire…dear god above!

Random Grandfather (aka Christian's father from Moulin Rouge…ya, you can see what we watched….that part just popped into my little brain….oh, how I love that man…)

Yeww and yewr redekulus obsayshun with…lahve!

Grantaire (clutching at Enjy)

Just hold me now, and let me be

Shelter me (Enjolras: No!)

Comfort me (Enjolras: Never!)

Enjolras (looking scornful)

You would have died, yesterday…if I could show you how

I will desert you now

Grantaire (hand dramatically over his forehead)

Your words can't hurt me now

The rain will wash away what's past

And you will push me away

And you will get me killed

I'll sleep in your embrace at last

The rain that brings you here is heaven blessed

The skies begin to clear now I'm at rest

A drink away from where you are

I've come here…

Where you are!

R: So don't you fret, Monsieur Enjolras, I'm in a lot of pain

E: Silence now, Grantaire you drunk, you won't feel any pain (after I shoot you)

R: A little fall of rain, can hardly hurt me more

e: My words of scorn and shame, will be the last sound that you hear

You hear

R: That's all I need to know!

And you will push me away, and you will get me killed

E: I will stay with you till you're done dying…

And rain…

Jehan (randomly bouncing around again)

And rain will make the flowers - grow!


End file.
